Getting Away

Miss Malsy on Manners

Q. What’s the deal with no privacy at B&Bs? I stayed at one recently and the owner got really huffy when I wouldn’t answer her prying questions about my family, job, and so on.

A. Think of the movies. Does anyone embarking on a forbidden tryst, a weekend bender, or a night of criminal masterminding check into a bed-and-breakfast? Hardly. Nameless anonymity is the province of the nondescript motel room, not Grandma Maybelle’s Kozy Kottages.

Of course there are numerous reasons to sign on for the B&B experience — historic architecture, romantic gardens, one-of-a-kind decor, and home-cooked cuisine often among them. Another bonus: the reassurance of a host who will answer questions, handle problems, and generally take a personal interest in your vacation.

At least that’s how B&B aficionados see it, and this may have been your host’s innocent understanding when she engaged you. What was unprofessional was her responding to your desire for privacy with anything less than graciousness. Still, you might have softened your stonewalling with a smiling, “Oh dear, I’m allergic to talking about (my work, kids, gallstones) when I’m on vacation.” Life Lesson #841: It pays not to cross the cook.

While I wouldn’t give up on B&Bs entirely, you may want to turn to midsize hotels and inns that offer obscurity alongside personality. If that’s still not private enough, the hotel megachains offer all the anonymity of a Swiss bank account. Pull the shade, draw the bath, and order room service. Sometimes you want to go where nobody knows your name. —kristina malsberger

Have a travel etiquette gripe? Send it to Miss Malsy at otr@csaa.com.