Ask The Expert

Why won’t men ask for directions?

John Gray’s bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has helped millions of people understand the sometimes alien behaviors of the opposite sex. His upcoming book, Mars and Venus Collide, examines changes that have evolved in gender roles over the past 20 years. We asked him about gender differences behind the wheel.

Q: Do you think that driving is a natural source of conflict between the sexes?
A: It can be, because men tend to take more risks. My advice to men is be considerate of her comfort zone and don’t take comments personally. It’s not that she doesn’t like your driving — she doesn't want anyone to drive that way.

Q: So is it true men don’t like to ask for directions?
A: Men do ask for directions, they just wait longer than a woman would. For women, cooperation and collaboration are feathers in their caps, whereas men take pride in being able to do things themselves.

Q: Is there a sensitive way to ask a man to be more like a woman?
A: Use few words and be specific. Simply say, “Let's stop and check our directions.” Women tend to justify stopping with comments like, “I think we’re completely lost.” That just makes him feel criticized.

Q: Is using a map less threatening for a man?
A: Absolutely. But first he’ll try to go it alone.

Q: How about onboard navigational GPS systems?
A: I turn [the voice] off and just use the map guide. I don’t see any man having a problem with that. Because it’s a tool.
-Kristina Malsberger